Five Times Blaine Wanted To Say It
by Whatsername Lambert
Summary: and one time he actually said it.


**My first 5/1 fic. It was a lot easier to write than I thought it would be...also my first attempt at Blaine's POV, which was harder than I thought it would be.**

I'm going into Glee withdrawals, forreal. I don't own it, Chris Colfer, or Darren Criss (although that may change in the near future, since I asked for them for Christmas).

FIVE TIMES BLAINE WANTED TO SAY IT

1.

_I love him_.

That was the only thing on my mind as I looked at Kurt Hummel sitting beside me in the booth at Breadstix, chattering away and giggling and smiling that beautiful smile of his and _god_. He was so amazing, and in that moment, as I looked at that gorgeous sparkle of vivacity in his eyes, I knew I'd fallen in love.

I know what you're probably thinking. "Blaine, you've only known the kid for a week. How could you be in love with him?" And to put it quite simply, I don't know how or why or what possessed me to fall in love with Kurt. It just happened. I'd never felt this way about anybody ever before.

So there we were at Breadstix, mouths moving a mile a minute with excessive chatter that the poor third wheel sitting across from us, Kurt's friend Mercedes, couldn't keep up with. If I'd been sitting next to anybody except Kurt, I would have reached out to said third wheel and tried to include her in our conversation. But the fact of the matter is that I _was_ with Kurt, and even though this sounds a little rude, I barely even noticed that Mercedes was there. Plus, she wasn't exactly contributing much to the conversation anyway.

I was just having fun with Kurt, the boy I loved. Not that I planned on telling him that anytime soon. The thought of actually saying those three simple words out loud to him scared me beyond belief. Kurt was so amazing, so gorgeous, so _perfect_, and I was just...Blaine. There was no way he could ever love me in any way beyond good old platonic friendship.

Still, when the waitress brought us a basket of tots that Mercedes had apparently ordered while I was distracted by something cute Kurt had been doing, I couldn't resist taking one out of the basket and popping it right into his mouth. (It was extremely hard not to start hyperventilating right then and there because of the fact that his lips and tongue brushed my fingers just the tiniest bit as I did so). Kurt giggled and blushed a little - god, he was so cute when he blushed - before returning the favor.

It was then that Mercedes happened to receive an important text; she pulled her phone out of her purse and glanced at the screen for a fraction of a nanosecond. "Hey, uh, guys, I forgot I'm supposed to babysit in a little bit. I should probably get going." She stood up from the table, hurriedly collecting her things, bending to give Kurt a kiss on the cheek as she left. "See ya, white boy. Nice to meet you, Blaine."

"Bye!" Kurt called after her as she left, looking absolutely adorable as he waved. Then, glancing down at the table, he raised one perfectly manicured eyebrow. "You know, we still have half a basket of tots left."

I gave him what I hoped was an enticing grin as I plucked one out of the basket. "Open up."

2.

_I love him_.

One night, a week after the incident at Breadstix, Kurt called me. I was at home - Dalton had some sort of teacher meetings going on over the next five days, which meant no classes; I'd be staying at my parents' house over the long weekend. So there I was, watching SportsCenter with my dad, when my phone vibrated and Kurt's name popped up on the caller ID. I excused myself before walking out to the empty front hallway to take the call.

"Hey, Kurt," I greeted him as I flipped open my phone.

There was no sound from the other end of the line except for a muffled sobbing noise, like somebody was crying. Somebody that sounded like Kurt.

"Kurt?" I asked tentatively after a few seconds.

"Can you come over?" Kurt's raspy voice asked after I said his name the second time. He choked back another sob before continuing. "Something happened...something I can't tell anybody about...," It sounded like he wanted to say more, but he'd given up and resorted to crying some more.

My fingers clenched angrily around my phone, borderline crunching it into pieces. Kurt was a wreck. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach that this had something to do with that Karofsky asshole who had kissed him two weeks ago. I was in the middle of trying to control my anger so as not to break my phone, when Kurt's voice spoke again.

"Blaine?" His voice sounded so small, so scared. Yes, this definitely had something to do with Karofsky.

I inhaled a deep breath, my shoulders shaking with suppressed rage as I did the mental math. Kurt's house was only about ten minutes away from my parents', and I tended to drive a little too fast anyway. Tonight, I would speed the entire way there just for the sheer point of being able to comfort him sooner. I would be there for him in a heartbeat. After all...I loved him.

"I'll be right over."

When I got over to Kurt's and rang the doorbell, the door opened right away as if he'd been standing right on the other side of it, waiting for me. The moment I saw him, with tracks of tears streaking down his face and his eyes bloodshot from crying, my heart broke. I stepped through the front door, gently nudging it shut behind me, and immediately took him in my arms. His tiny body was wracked with sobs and I gently rubbed his back as he buried his face into my chest and cried some more.

"It's okay," I murmured as I soothed him, though I still had no idea what had even happened. I carefully maneuvered him out to the couch in the living room and sat down with Kurt still in my arms, holding him against me.

"Tell me everything," I commanded gently, forcing him to meet my eyes. "What happened?"

Kurt exhaled a shaky breath before he started to speak. "F-first of all, I c-can't tell anybody ab-about this," he stuttered through his tears. "My dad and Carole are out on a date, and Finn's at football conditioning so he won't be back til way later. What I'm about to tell you, you're the only one who knows. Okay?"

His eyes - his beautiful, beautiful eyes, were penetrating me, and all I could do was nod and choke out, "Okay."

He took another deep breath. "Do you remember that guy Dave Karofsky?" he asked, "the one who...who k-kissed me?"

All I could do was nod slowly and resist the urge to punch something with all the rage that had built up just by hearing his name. The asshole had taken Kurt's first kiss - something that was supposed to be so beautiful, so special for him - and stolen it right from his lips. Of course I remembered him.

"T-today," Kurt continued, "he caught me in the hallway and he told me that if I told anybody else about that kiss, that he'd...that he'd..."

"That he'd do what, Kurt?" I coaxed warily, not sure if I wanted to hear the answer.

"That he'd kill me," Kurt finally finished.

Forget the rage I'd just felt at the prospect that this asshole had stolen Kurt's first kiss. This new emotion that was rippling through my body was white-hot seething rage that I couldn't even put into words. My arms immediately constricted tighter around Kurt, pulling him closer against me.

"Kurt, oh my god," I breathed, and for once, I was speechless. "I don't even know what to say..."

"You don't have to say anything," he whispered, cuddling himself against my chest. "Just stay here with me. I don't want to be alone."

True, there was something I wanted to say. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, obviously. But something inside me told me that this wasn't the right time, and I couldn't bring myself to say it. If I said those words now, Kurt would never believe me. He was too distraught; I needed to find a moment when he'd be perfectly attentive and ready to hear it.

So I did as he asked, and just stayed there with him, holding him in my arms while he cried. I couldn't imagine what kind of heartless, cruel person would be able to look this beautiful boy straight in the eyes and threaten to take away his life. My heart broke for Kurt that he couldn't even walk through the halls of his own school without feeling threatened. Maybe it would be better for him to transfer to Dalton after all.

"Kurt," I said after a long time, and he looked up at me with tears still shining in his eyes. I hadn't realized how close his face had been to mine; I felt his breath tickle my lips as he looked up. It took every ounce of my remaining willpower not to kiss him right then and there. It took me a few seconds to remember how to speak.

"You're beautiful," I told him, keeping my eyes locked on his, but right after I spoke, he buried his face in my shoulder and choked out a muffled sob. "You are _so_ beautiful," I murmured as I gently rubbed his back. "Don't ever let anyone make you feel like you're not."

He picked his head up and, for the first time since I'd seen him, he smiled. "Thank you," he said simply, his voice still weak from tears. "That's exactly what I needed to hear."

As he spoke, his tiny fingers somehow found their way into the spaces between mine.

3.

_I love him_.

Let me get this straight. I learned to sing practically before I could talk. I've been singing my entire life. And never, ever, in all my years, has it made me feel as amazing as it did the very first time I sang with Kurt.

I could have picked any one of the Warblers to rehearse Baby, It's Cold Outside with me, but I chose Kurt, for obvious reasons. Even if I were straight, I still would have picked him, because I know a good countertenor when I hear one, and Kurt...Kurt was a _fantastic_ countertenor. But I'm not straight, so my reasons for asking Kurt to rehearse with me went beyond his voice to the fact that he was absolutely supermegafoxyawesomehot and getting to sing this song with him, even if it were just an impromptu rehearsal in Dalton's senior commons, would be the thrill of a lifetime.

Which it was. And as the music ended and Kurt and I were left sitting on the couch, looking at each other with what was probably an idiotic smile on my face and what was certainly an adorable one on his, I was reminded once again of how much I loved him.

I was still smiling as I reluctantly stood up, knowing the sooner I tackled the huge pile of homework that was sitting on the desk in my dorm, the better. I _did_ catch a glimpse of the way Kurt's face lit up as I told him he'd be much better than the girl I had to sing with. On my way out, I politely greeted a man who was entering the commons at the same time I was leaving - a man I vaguely recognized as the vocal coach of New Directions. He'd probably come to visit Kurt. That was nice of him.

I was about halfway down the hall when I realized I'd forgotten my boom box and immediately turned back around to go get it. As I neared the still-open door to the room, I heard the older man's voice ask, "Someone special?"

I froze in place right outside the door as Kurt responded. "No, just a friend," he said, then sighed wistfully. "But on the upside, I'm in love with him and he's actually gay. I call that progress."

Oh my god. Oh my god. _Oh my god_. Had I just heard Kurt say he was in love with me?

Yes. Yes I had.

Forgetting the whole reason why I'd walked back to the commons in the first place, I headed down the hall and towards my room in a daze, sans boom box. I didn't plan on doing any homework tonight. I'd be fast asleep, having sweet, sweet dreams.

He loved me.

4.

_I love him_.

I still hadn't brought myself to saying those words as I sat in the senior commons with Kurt once again, a day after we'd sang together. We'd come in here together chatting casually as we sat down on the couch in front of the roaring fireplace, mugs of hot chocolate in hand, but the conversation had ended some time ago. Neither of us had said a word for quite a while as we sat close together in the dimly-lit room in front of the fire, but it was the furthest thing from awkward. And even though I still couldn't work up the courage to tell Kurt I loved him, there was still something else I _could_ say. Well, ask.

I set my empty mug on the floor and reached over to touch his hand, bringing his attention to me. "Kurt?"

Kurt did the same as I'd just done, setting his mug on the floor before turning to face me. "Yes, Blaine?"

Suddenly I was nervous, but I decided to take a deep breath and just say it. "Will you be my boyfriend?"

A beautiful smile curled up at the corners of Kurt's lips - those lips, which I wanted to taste _so badly_ - as he took both of my hands in both of his. "I thought I already was."

"So is that a yes?" I asked hopefully, my heart practically about to beat out of my chest.

Kurt squeezed my hands before letting go and snuggling up close to me. "Is Lady Gaga a fashion icon?"

5.

_I love him_.

I still hadn't said it, and Kurt and I had been dating for a week. Still way too soon, in my book. I'd always hated seeing couples profess their love to each other all over Facebook just days after they'd started going out, and I knew it was a pet peeve of Kurt's, too. If I really wanted him to believe it, I had to wait.

We were sitting alone in Kurt's dorm, just talking. We'd been doing so for hours. Now that he was officially my boyfriend - Kurt Hummel was _my. boyfriend_. - there was more physical contact. Kurt was sitting on his bed; I was in the desk chair, pulled up next to it. His feet were outstretched, resting in my lap, and I was holding one of his hands, absentmindedly rubbing the back of it with my thumb as we talked.

There was one thing, however, that kept distracting me whenever Kurt spoke. And that was this: his lips. His perfect lips, that looked so soft, so delicious, so kissable...and suddenly I couldn't even look him in the eyes anymore as he spoke. I was too distracted by those lips.

Thankfully, it wasn't long until there was a lull in the conversation. Kurt said something slightly funny, both of us giggled a little bit, and then it was quiet. I knew I had to take advantage if this opportunity right now, because then he'd start to talk again and all the courage I'd built up towards doing this would just crumble into dust. I stood up from the chair and moved over to sit next to him on the bed, taking him in my arms and causing a tiny gasp to escape from those yummy-looking lips.

"Blaine, what are you doing?" Kurt asked incredulously in response to my sudden relocation at his side.

I placed two fingers under his chin and gently tilted his face up towards mine. "I'm going to kiss my boyfriend, that's what I'm doing," I explained while looking straight into his eyes. "If that's okay with him."

Kurt's eyes drifted closed as my face slowly inched closer to his. "It is," he breathed, "_more_ than okay with him."

The second he'd finished speaking, my lips were on his. It was every single bit as perfect as I'd dreamed it would be - I couldn't even _believe_ someone's lips could taste so good. But Kurt's did. And if I hadn't needed to breathe, I would have kept on kissing him forever and ever, but the kiss left me so breathless that I had to pull away after just a few seconds.

But I only managed to inhale one quick, short breath before I could focus on Kurt. He smiled at me, wrapped his arms around my neck, and pulled me in for another kiss.

1.

"I love you."

Those were the words I whispered in Kurt's ear as we lay intertwined on my bed, the books we'd been using for the history project we were supposed to be working on shoved to the floor. Just with those three words, I felt like so much weight had been lifted off my chest. (My chest, which, by the way, Kurt's head was currently resting on and Kurt's fingers were lazily trailing up and down. It was not an unpleasant feeling.)

Kurt smiled up at me, picking his head up off my chest so he could press his lips lightly against mine. "I'm so glad you said that," he whispered in between kisses. "I love _you_, Blaine_._"

The only thing left to do was to eagerly join in as Kurt's kisses became more passionate. He gently pushed my mouth open with his lips and his tongue met mine. We'd kissed like this a few times before, but it never ceased to amaze me how good it felt. How amazing he tasted. And now that we could finally revel in our mutual, verbalized love, it was better than ever before.

I flipped the two of us over so Kurt was lying underneath me as my hands snaked up under his shirt, slowly sliding up the skin of his chest. The fact that Kurt had never been touched like this before just made it all the more beautiful. I was the first person ever to feel those small, sexy muscles beneath his skin, the first person to ever send a tremble down his spine as my thumbs rubbed his nipples. How many nights had I fallen asleep dreaming about this moment - kissing him like this, _touching_ him like this...I didn't need to dream anymore, because I knew for myself just how beautiful it felt.

"Blaine," Kurt gasped, breaking the kiss. "Are we..."

As he trailed off, I realized that my suddenly-noticeable erection was rubbing against his thigh through our uniform slacks. It didn't take me much longer to realize what he meant.

I shrugged. "It depends. Do you want to...are you ready?"

Kurt smiled as he reached up to wrap his arms around my neck, pulling me down into another kiss.

"I was _born_ ready for this moment."

* * *

**The best Christmas present you could give me (besides Chris & Darren wrapped up in sparkly ribbons under my tree) would be a review. **


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